On Saturday, September 12, Hayden Keith, my sister Catie and I attended the annual HOM Teal Strides for ovarian cancer run. The run benefits MOCA, an amazing local non-profit that is a crusader for ovarian cancer awareness. The last time I participated in this event, I was 6 weeks pregnant with Hayden Keith so it was neat to experience the run with him. I try to participate in one ovarian cancer event every year as a way to connect with mom and do my part to raise awareness for such an awful disease. It’s bittersweet to be around so many others who understand the nastiness of ovarian cancer and seeing the teal makes me smile. I wish mom was here to still run with me. Organizers handed out stickers to wear that said whether you were running in honor or memory of someone. I grabbed one for Hayden Keith and me. As I was running, I tried to read who others were running for and it was sad to see so many people my age running for their mom, kids Hayden Keith’s age running for grandma and husbands like my dad running for the wives. This disease is much more treatable in the early stages, there needs to be a better screening process for early detection. Continue reading →
Some days are hard and some days are even harder. Last night was a really hard one. Over the last month I’ve been trying to cope with loss and understand how and why some experience more loss than others. I know everyone has their own battle(s), but some just seem more obvious than others but regardless loss hurts. It doesn’t make one loss any less than the other. But to some holding onto that loss and grief can be a sign of weakness. As if there is a time frame for grief and “getting over” someone or something. To those people I would say, “it is really easy to say that when you aren’t the one experiencing those emotions.” You don’t have to go through your day seeing people live a life you once knew or you wish you could experience. Logging into social media, you see so much joy (which is great) but on a hard day it can make it even harder. People having babies, spending time with their parents and friends, and it’s easy to start to compare and break yourself down because your life doesn’t live up to that picture. That’s my struggle. Continue reading →
As promised I’m sharing how we celebrated Hayden Keith turning 1 and how I made sure my mom was a part of the day!! It was a bittersweet day for me on a couple levels. My firstborn / little baby boy was no longer a baby. He had turned into a walking, laughing, loud BOY. And, I wish my mom was there to celebrate.
Growing up with two sisters and no brothers we had to find something that was our own and it was birthdays. Basically your birthday was a national holiday. I blame this solely on my mom. She went above and beyond to make sure our birthday was our day and that didn’t change, as we got older. I was fortunate enough to live at home for all my birthdays with my mom, and every year I came down to a present on the table, her signature eggcake breakfast, a homemade cake (if she hadn’t ordered DQ) or flowers, something that showed me it was my day. I will cherish this forever. Continue reading →
I love Motown. Growing up we always had music playing in the house. It didn’t matter if we were dancing around, baking or cleaning, my parents loved music. It’s funny how some things stick with you because I also LOVE music. Any kind, I really can’t discriminate, maybe heavy metal but I’d probably end up finding some song I could dance to.
Smokey Robinson and The Temptations were two artists my mom played a lot and she sang the song “My Girl” to us when we were little. I still tear up when I hear it and find myself signing it to Hayden Keith too. (Fun fact: my last b-day gift from my mom was tickets to see Smokey live. She was too sick to go but a friend went with me, it was awesome.) Continue reading →
Welcome. This blog is a new project for me but it really feels like it’s been writing itself for years. In the past five years, my life has thrown so many curveballs, presented painful obstacles and sadness, but also had some crazy beautiful experiences. It will be five years this October since my mom lost her battle to stage 3c ovarian cancer, and life since her diagnosis has always been bittersweet. It’s hard to make new memories without her, just like it was hard to make memories during her fight in fear they’d be her last. If her death has taught me anything, it is to live each day as if it’s my last but to never apologize for continuing to mourn her. Never feel bad for being sad. Grief goes on and it will never go away. I struggle every day to accept that she is no longer here, but in that struggle, I try to remember how she would want to see me from Heaven and that gives me the strength to make the most of what I have because I’m still here and get to have it. Continue reading →