Playing dress up

A few posts back I shared my love for reworking family fashion but specifically my dad’s incredible collection of vintage track and road race shirts. I have to smile every time I put one on because as we’ve been cleaning out my parents house as my dad prepares to move I’ve found so many pictures of me as a toddler wearing those same shirts. But the love doesn’t stop there. Some of my mom and even Grandma Olson clothes have found a permanent place in my closet. The day we shot my race shirt collection, photographer Justin Meyer captured a few of my favorite outfits. THANK YOU  JUSTIN.

Mom’s vintage skirt that can also double as a strapless maxi dress if belted.

If it fits it stays is my motto and right now being pregnant not everything fits currently but it did within the last year so it qualifies.

Shortly after my mom passed away, my sisters and I tried to help Father Keith go through her side of the closet. This proved to be very difficult because we weren’t ready to let go of those memories. An outfit can take you back to a place in time and as we went through dresses, shirts and work out clothes, we did our best to divide up based on who wanted what and what fit who.  I walked away with some pieces that I can still see her in. And one skill my mom did really well was sewing. She made her wedding dress, made a lot of our clothes growing up, even Halloween costumes and duvets. Anything that she had made we kept and I’m pretty sure the skirt below is one she made.

I love how bright the colors have held up after years of washing.

It’s fun to feel like I’m still playing dress up in her closet by mixing and matching different items she wore often and incorporating them into my outfit.

Mom’s vintage Levi jeans.

Who doesn’t love highwaisted after having a baby belly.

Wearing my mom’s mom jeans as a mom is probably one of my proudest accomplishments. It’s like our own generations photo.

Handmade highwaist skirt by Grandma Olson (mom’s mom).

So I’m not encouraging you to be a hoarder of all things. Just encouraging you to think before you let go of something, especially if it was an item special to a loved one who is no longer here. These material items are just clothes but to me they will always be a part of my mom and that will always be in style.

Shop the looks:

Free People body suit (similar) | bald eagle necklace (similar)| Free People sheer crop top (similar) | Forever 21 scalloped crop top

 

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Grieving it all.

Each day I expected to grieve a little less, be a little more used to my mom not being here. Not being a phone call or hug away. But as I continue my grieving journey I’ve realized that it’s just always going to be here because as life continues new moments will inflict their own feelings.

My mom’s health began to significantly decline when my life was beginning to grow. This was hard for my twenty-four year old self to be okay with. How do I find out who I am without leaving her behind? She passed away two weeks after I started my first full-time job in a new state. I’ll never forget her face and our tears as I hugged her good-bye at my aunts wedding reception. She was reclined in her chair, so frail and sad…so unlike her. I remember walking out in tears because I knew that the mom I grew up with was really never going to be that way again. And looking back, I can still see her eyes and thinking this isn’t how it’s supposed to be.

Why didn’t we get the normal life of weekend visits to my apartment and seeing me live a grown up life? Watching me marry the love of my life, talking me through pregnancy concerns, reminding me to think before I speak and to take care of my self. But we don’t get to pick and this was the hand we were dealt. I know she was angry at the end. She was an extremely positive person but she was angry. She didn’t deserve that ending to her story.

And I think that is why I’m so committed to carrying on her memory every day. Because she deserves that. She deserves Grandkids who understand why we love Bald Eagles, and a memory garden filled with her favorite flowers. She more than deserves to feel our love all the way to heaven.

This rambling post is really because each new memory in life brings up those new feelings. We are expecting our third child and I’m met with a whole new set of emotions wishing she was here. Wanting to ask her how she handled three kids, if she had anxiety or depression during and after pregnancy…and how she did it all?

So ask your mom, or dad or whoever is super special to you these questions because you just never know. I’m left with this sweet card my dad found when he was cleaning out their house. We can’t remember why or when she wrote it, but I love that it’s so simple that a quick look can bring both tears and love.

 

 

Taking care of yourself

Standing by my dad at mom’s visitation I overheard him tell people and specifically to listen to their bodies. This caught  me off  guard but as he went on to explain my mom’s situation it really resonated with me. A big factor with mom’s initial diagnosis was that it was caught in the later stages, 3C to be exact. The next stage being the 4th and final stage. With ovarian cancer the symptoms are typically silent until it’s in the later stages.

Mom definitely had symptoms but we had no idea to even think of ovarian cancer. When she’d comment about her bloated stomach or how she just didn’t feel hungry much we’d just tease her. She’d visit family practice clinics but never thought to visit an OB. Often times she left these appointments feeling bad for bothering the doctor with something so minor – they would tell her she was just constipated, overthinking it or reaching menopause. I’d like to kick these people.

As women and just human beings we’re taught to tough it out but after watching my mom’s battle, seeing the changes my own body experienced during pregnancy and just with getting older, I’ve come to the realization that we have to be our own advocates. No one can tell you how you’re truly feeling. I love being proactive with my health. Whether that’s doctor visits or daily self-care, it’s something I try to prioritize.

And a big part of that is prevention and skin care. My skin changed a lot with each pregnancy and my dad’s voice would often pop into my head “listen to you body” and made me take my skincare to the next level. Enter the Ginzing Collection from Origins and Influenster.

I was given these products complimentary to test and I’m so glad. I love how vibrant they make my skin feel. It’s enhanced my pregnancy glow and made me feel like I’m doing my skin a favor in using it. The Refreshing Eye Cream to Brighten and Depuff is great for mornings where my eyes are extra tired. The Refreshing Scrub Cleanser and Energy Boosting Gel Moisturizer give that added freshness. I don’t wash my face every day, only days that I wear make up which is maybe once a week (maybe). Otherwise I just splash with water. But I always moisturize and this cream is an AM and PM cream which is more bang for your buck.

Definitely recommend trying these products and seeing what they can do for your skin. You’re welcome for the up close an personal no make up selfie. And if you haven’t joined Influenster I highly recommend. I’ve had an opportunity to test products from food, beauty, Victoria’s Secret activewear and more. It’s a great way to try new products and share it via social media.

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Leah-Kristi 1st BeyDay

Get in formation & celebrate our Queen Bee turning 1

I swear I blinked and our little diva turned one. In utero I decided her first birthday party was going to be a Beyonce-themed party. After seeing Queen Bee live at 32 weeks pregnant for my 30th birthday with Leah kicking the entire time and for how much our little Leah LOVES to dance to Beyonce, it proved a great choice.

Our Leah-Kristi is a strong-minded, kind little girl who loves to take chances, doesn’t slow down (unless a good song comes on) and is willing to try anything once (terrifying to a parent). Basically our version of Queen Bee.

After having Hayden-Keith I was so proud of what I had accomplished. My body carried, delivered and fed a beautiful little boy. When we miscarried before Leah’s pregnancy it really shocked my self-esteem. For me, music is a source of healing and listening to the empowering, uplifting and heartfelt songs from Beyonce I grieved that loss while embracing Leah’s pregnancy.

It’s amazing what we as women can do. And I want my daughter to know that.

Party details:

From the invites to the decor and food table a bit of Queen B was carried throughout – we even had fresh squeezed lemonade.  I’m all about details and incorporating meaning into a special day. Lots of that was poured into Leah’s party.

Invitations – A friend brought my idea to life and I couldn’t be happier. Incorporating FLAWLESS and LEMONADE into the theme because how can you pick between the two.

Fresh-squeezed lemonade – Growing up I babysat and worked concessions for a family who owned the local A&W. My parents and siblings all worked the IA State Fair, National Balloon Classic and other events for Larry McConnell. I’m a lemonade snob because of how good his lemonade is. And he was so nice to hook me up with a batch for the party. Thank you Larry!

Lemonade stand – Hayden-Keith was generous to share his lemonade/grocery store. And a nod to my McConnell concession days and Joel’s days at the Bird’s Nest.

Decor – Balloons, giant balloons, fresh flowers and Lemons. Done.

Outfit changes – Because every birthday girl should have two outfits. Queen Bee shirt w/lemon shorts and “Who Runs the World, Girls” black onesie from Vagabond Babe for cake eating.

Food – From “I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly” beans to “hot sauce in our egg bake”, Beyonce Hits were incorporated throughout. A big hit was my go to crock pot breakfast casserole from Kristin at Iowa Girl Eats.

Desserts – This is always the easiest place to highlight my mom, Leah’s Angel Grandma Kristi. Her baking is out of this world and I LOVE that her unique recipes fit perfectly into the day. She always made Lemon Bars for my birthday so Leah had that as well as her homemade Twinkie Recipe. Thank goodness I made both because Leah had a slight reaction to the egg in the lemon bars. Recipes to come soon.

Favors – Who doesn’t love leaving a party with gifts. Oriental Trading Company had cute lemonade themed cups, tattoos and scented bubbles.

Her party was FLAWLESS. We had so much fun celebrating our Queen Bee with family and friends. I love having a little girl. Not for the outfits and playing dress up, but because some day I hope Leah and I can share the same bond my mom and I have. I know how hard I love my mom and I always wanted a chance to know how the other side of that relationship felt. I pray my mom knows and can still see how much she is loved by her little girl.

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