Every step of life brings its challenges no matter who you are and where you are in your life. Something new always pops up. Losing my mom was something I never could have prepared for even though I was able to be with her while her health declined. Regardless it changed me.
Having Hayden has changed me way more than I could have ever imaged. I truly know what it’s like to want to live for someone and that really put my mom’s life and battle in perspective. Was she fearful of the changes she was facing? If she was she never shared those fears. The one thing that scares me most in life is not living to see my son and future children grow. I know what it’s like to live without a parent and that pain crushes me every day. It’s baggage I carry with me into all my relationships and will be constant emotions I’ll forever deal with. I never want Hayden to know what that is like. I know that can’t control the future but I can choose to live in the moment and show him that he is loved. He has made me realize how much my parents really love me. Like now I know why they seemed like overbearing, helicopter parents at times and I wish I could tell my mom “I get it.” Continue reading →